I found out from a cultural theory piece my friend Robert Fernandez
had published online that Burgerville had a new chicken sandwich that
simulated a drug experience. I thought, "Oh that's right, Robert was
into the idea of Burgerville -- or he would be if they lived here."
So I looked around online myself & found it was true. They had a
commercial. The chicken sandwich was called Acidhead, specifically.
It's made so that when you bite through the crispy coating, the
ground-up chicken insides start oozing all over & this reveals a center
of tiny blue glittery crystals that fall out -- or ooze out -- & go everywhere, making you feel like you're tripping on acid. The guy they used to advertise this, their leading meal in a new series of meals called Annals of Crime, was a nappy, dirty, white, dreaded dude. I watched with interest how the the meal comes with a cheese stick (hot & melty) that's shaped like a dread, or has a dread center, more precisely. I could feel myself using my teeth to skim off hunks of cheese while sliding the dreadlock out of my mouth. I thought, "They sell this stuff??? Crazy!" & I went down to the corner to see for myself the whole Annals of Crime meal lineup.They had them all out, prepackaged like toys in the toy store with everything arranged inside the box against a background depicting the scene & covered with a cellophane window. The other ones (I saw 2 others) were more burger-oriented meals. One was a bioterrorism-themed meal. It had tiny burger worms that carried disease that you could slip into enemy territory to quickly infest everything. Also, envelopes of burger & fake syringes that you could fill with burger. Then there was the serial-killer themed one which was made to look like something along the lines of Silence of the Lambs. It just had a big mound of hastily mushed together meats that were made to look like mini organs or maybe human flesh pounded & stuck onto the burgermeat. No bun, just a huge glob -- a little bigger than a large mango maybe -- of meats so you could feel like a lunatic barbarian when you ate it, I guess. I was most intrigued still by the Acidhead & realized that I'd taken it off the shelf & had had it in my hands for long enough that the employees has forgotten about it, so I stole it & skipped & whirled home, eager for Joseph to get back so he could try it with me
Always when I take gravity-defying leaps in the end, I think everyone
else just isn't concentrating hard enough.